(c) Dimitra Milan
Kiss me like I was your sleeping beauty
With love and adoration so strong that it wakes me from my death
Shower me with love so that the seed I once was blossoms into a rose that is worthy to be plucked and given to a loved one
Protect me from my demons so that I can love you freely without hesitation.
Without worry.
Without preparing myself from an inevitable heartbreak.
When winter comes
His presence wakes me up like spring
And from his words and touch
I become hot and bothered like summer
To having everything fall apart like autumn
Love and affection turns into resentment
And my beating heart that used to beat to the rhythm of his smile turns to ice and all my feelings paralyse.
I want to look at you
In a way where my eyes would give everything away
Where everything around me stops
Sound and people become a background
That when we lock eyes
I smile to the point it physically hurts
Dearly Beloved,
You don’t exist but in my mind
It’s in my mind where I have found a safe haven
While a fight daily battles out here in the real world
You always seem to nurse this injured soldier of mine
Currently in my third world war and I don’t think I have enough armaments for the battles to come
It’s now time for me to wave my white flag
Say my final goodbyes
Let my guard down
So that we can finally be together
When I’m all healed
When my smile is genuine and not a ploy to hide my tears
When my heart is pure and not on life support because of the number of times it slipped my hands and broke
When I’m happy and finally at peace with myself.
Love,
Your Delicate Flower
She wanted to know how it felt like if she actually drowned in her own sadness and sorrow
So as she dipped her toes in the water she remembered the first time her heart broke
As the water reached her navel
She remembered the day she cried herself to sleep in her room for no reason
As the water reached her neck
She remembered the day she started feeling numb to every sort of emotion
As she took her last breath
She was under water
And she remembered faking her happiness because the truth didn’t make sense anymore
As she struggled to hold her breath
She looked up and saw how beautiful the sun was
Glistening over the water
Like yellow crystals
So she swam towards them
And from there
She felt alive for the very first time.
She craved serenity
Something to ease her soul
She wanted her ever busy mind
To be swept away with each wave
She craved serenity
To have a clean and happy heart
A heart that was not breaking
One that functioned to keep her smile radiant
She craved serenity
To be in love and fall in love with only one person
That one person being herself
She craved serenity
Near the Indian Ocean
Her Indian Ocean
Her serenity.
She looked in the mirror
The mirror looked back at her
With no promises
They say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder
But she didn’t see anything beautiful in front of her
She wondered where her beauty had run off to
She didn’t know what beautiful was anymore
She felt like a guinea pig
A body with imperfections that people tried to fix with their words
I just hate myself so much for no reason
Carrying the hurt people have given me
I’m sacrificing my happiness from the hurt people have given me
The vibrancy in my being is gone now
It’s just hopelessness now
It’s flashbacks of hurt and mistakes
How the stars can never align properly the way I want them to
My worth as a person has never changed
People just fail to see it
Then I end up failing to see it too
That’s where the trouble begins
That’s when the unexplainable sadness starts.
I’m more vocal when I write than when I speak
I’m usually the awkward quiet one
But inside..
Inside I’m bursting with emotions and words that flow in my mind
All filled with sarcasm, joy, hope, fear…
Anger…
I was a ticking time bomb once
Kept everything bottled up
Didn’t know that time was running out
That I had fewer seconds every time I took a deep breath
Then when the timer went off
I exploded
With emotions and tears
So much tears that I drowned in them
And for some time I didn’t know who I was any more
There was always rain, dark clouds and thunder in my heart
I got used to it at some point
It became a comfortable pain
It engulfed my whole body
Traces of it still exist
My mind speaks but my mouth doesn’t move
It’s as if I’m a mime
Trapped in a world my mind has created.
It was the first time she left her heart at home
Every step she took led her closer to sin
Her mind played flashbacks of bitter memories
Like a copycat she replicated his sins
It was more than just tit for tat
For once
She wanted to know
How it felt like being the bad guy.
