I just hate myself so much for no reason
Carrying the hurt people have given me
I’m sacrificing my happiness from the hurt people have given me
The vibrancy in my being is gone now
It’s just hopelessness now
It’s flashbacks of hurt and mistakes
How the stars can never align properly the way I want them to
My worth as a person has never changed
People just fail to see it
Then I end up failing to see it too
That’s where the trouble begins
That’s when the unexplainable sadness starts.
I’m more vocal when I write than when I speak
I’m usually the awkward quiet one
But inside..
Inside I’m bursting with emotions and words that flow in my mind
All filled with sarcasm, joy, hope, fear…
Anger…
I was a ticking time bomb once
Kept everything bottled up
Didn’t know that time was running out
That I had fewer seconds every time I took a deep breath
Then when the timer went off
I exploded
With emotions and tears
So much tears that I drowned in them
And for some time I didn’t know who I was any more
There was always rain, dark clouds and thunder in my heart
I got used to it at some point
It became a comfortable pain
It engulfed my whole body
Traces of it still exist
My mind speaks but my mouth doesn’t move
It’s as if I’m a mime
Trapped in a world my mind has created.
It was the first time she left her heart at home
Every step she took led her closer to sin
Her mind played flashbacks of bitter memories
Like a copycat she replicated his sins
It was more than just tit for tat
For once
She wanted to know
How it felt like being the bad guy.
She experienced love
The way
One takes out their tongue to drink rain water
It has always just been a taste
Never really enough
She never had the chance
To fully let her love grow
So that she could experience more.
There was once a dragonfly
That turned into a butterfly
With wings so beautiful
It attracted every creature in sight
The butterfly flew and flew
But to her despair
Could not find any wings that matched hers
One day she rested on a sunflower
And decided to wait on a special pair of wings
So she waited and waited
And waited….
With every glare she became toxic
He became addicted
And as time passed
Her image faded and became distorted
Then it was complete darkness
I write
Read
Cringe
Then Cancel
A part of me wants to get hurt so that I can write a masterpiece
A part of me wants to fall in love so that I can write a sonnet professing the number of ways “I love thee”
Or I could just get an epiphany and my creative juices could start flowing
But I’m over here swamped with work writing this poem
She loved with her eyes closed so that she can experience everything, everything
She kept her lips open
open to be kissed so that they can tremble by the touch of her lover
She listened to music so that her heartbeat can follow the rhythm to her love songs
that way she won’t have to listen to people who already gave up on love
Her happiness mattered
eventhough it wouldn’t last long
eventhough she fabricated it
Her happiness mattered.
Do you ever just melt ?
you stop thinking
the solid in you becomes liquid
because of the fire burning in both your eyes
One minute you’re sober and you got things under control
“nothing will happen tonight” you lie to yourself
then before you know it you’re staring at the ceiling
out of breath and weak
vulnerable
the rotation of the fan keeps you together
because you can’t even keep yourself together
I’m the sensibility in “Sense and Sensibility”
Logic doesn’t do it for me
At times I feel that the glow of my heart blinds my mind so I end up not thinking straight.
